HymN of A StaRseeD

I have been kept away… I have been held by spirit… the way a fetus is held in embryo. It is such a deep mystery, the way you grow, the way you are supported by the mother & yet you have no real knowing of what you are gestating into. This obscurity, it takes courage to journey through, and even more courage to speak on. It is a power that is so subtle yet immensely threatening. It is all the facets of the many facets of the great mother, combined into such potency that you dare not even speak her name. For all that she is can only be found in the nothing of what we know to be. This is precisely where I have been… kept in this fragile and most unnerving state. All the while deeply nourished, all the while deeply provided for and yet absolutely bewildered. Yes, I have been wildly suckling on a cosmic whisper; holy chants that echo of a higher knowing. They are light sounds that vibrate from the chore of my still dormant cells all in unison with the hymn that reverberates through the dark mantle of the galaxy. It has been melodic. It has also been a bit maddening. I didn’t know that my expansion would only serve to delete what I was; a complete obliteration of the sacred and the profane. I have been skinned from my being yet again; this time from every aspect in which I existed with absolute indifference from that which is spiritual or mundane. She summoned me and commanded me first gently and then with brutal force like any mother determined to give way to her cherubs’ life. She spoke that I relinquish all the demons that have like parasites hosted off of me – draining my life force; demons I was too naïve to recognize, demons that were not always outside of me, demons that I don’t fault for they too have been seduced, demons that I have in truth fallen in love with. She spoke and I listened, like an obedient child would do, I caved to my higher wisdom and withdrew. I created the space for the truth of my being, for what she was insistent to birth. Innately I knew, like a seedling in the forest knows to grow towards the sun, I knew in order to live ‘I’ could no longer remain. This initiation was not something I would ever foresee and surely not something I could ever refuse. Even now I am drenched in this intense enigma, and yet I am also completely satiated. What I loved is not anymore but that I love and that I AM is ever more. For now, I dwell in her. My eyes remain gently shut; I am still in this lucid gestation. The beat of my heart is all that I recognize; it drums the song of her eternal OM and beams the light of her luminous flame. Yes, hers is the womb in that I rest and hers is the dawn in that I shall ascend again…